Bizarre Regency Toasts May 14, 2016
Author: Beach Combing | in : Modern , trackback
Beach recently stumbled upon a small book of early nineteenth-century British toasts: literally hundreds of them, composed in a time where standing an offering a pithy sentence at drinking was a fundamental part of being a gentleman. Of course, toasts went out with the Second World War so it is difficult to compare them with anything modern: Twitter, Facebook refuse? But what a world they evoke. There were no exclamation marks. You must supply your own.
First, the pleasingly nasty:
A cobweb pair of breaches, a porcupine saddle, a hard trotting horse, and a long journey, to the enemies of England.
May those who would revel in the ruin of Britain or her daughters, dance in a hempen neckcloth
Short shoes and long corns to the enemies of Great Britain
Second, the strangely awkward and sanctimonious:
Annihilation to the trade of corruption
May the sharp scythe of the law mow down all monopolizers
Confusion to those who wearing the mask of patriotism, pull it off, and desert the cause of liberty in the hour of trial.
Short parliaments and unbiased freeholders.
Third, the faux-poetic:
May the English Mars always conquer the French Hercules
A Venus born from Ocean’s bed: Britannia
May the adjective Victorious, be ever joined to the substantive Britain.
Old England’s Wooden Walls [i.e. the fleet]
May priestcraft perish and religion flourish.
Fourth, embarrassing doggerel:
Success to our army, success to our fleet!
May our foes be compell’d to bend at our feet.
Or
If the Frenchman’s flotilla should come half seas over,
May the bull dogs of Britain salute them from Dover.
Fifth, the bizarre but pleasing
May the whole universe be incorporated in one city, and every inhabitant presented with the freedom.
Love’s slavery.
May the villain who robs a woman of her virtue outlive every friend.
Sixth, the dated
Confusion to all rotten boroughs and borough mongers.
Seventh, the impenetrable
As we meet upon the level, may we part upon the square [Masonic]
Envy in an air-pump without a passage to breathe through.
Eighth, the frankly outrageous: no wonder so few of these made it through to 1900.
The maiden’s blush and the virgin of fifteen
Old wine and young women
May the votaries of Venus be united with Bacchus.
May the soldier’s musket be always cocked and primed when the girl of his heart gives the word of command.
Finally, incredible to read this sentence. These were men who had routinely met Waterloo veterans or Waterloo families.
The Waterloo heroes, and may the widows and children of those who fell in that battle never feel distress through their death.
Other historic toasts: drbeachcombing AT yahoo DoT com
